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柳红的博客

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Gate of Heaven 天堂之门  

2011-04-04 23:02:00|  分类: 生死事 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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Gate of Heaven

天堂之门

 

1,1980's

 

冬平,是我研究生时期最好的朋友。我属于经济片,她是国际片,西欧所的研究生。毕业后,她去了美国。虽然人生道路不同,但是,只要碰在一起,还是聊得到一块儿,亲密无间,互相激励。仿佛时光停滞,却分明20多年过去。值得骄傲的是,即使在我们分别失去了自己最宝贝的孩子之后,依然基本价值没变,乐观没变,积极的人生态度没变,进取心没变

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

 1987年3月8日社科院研究生院舞会上,冬平(左)和我

 

2,  1990's

1990年,我生子尤;1992年,她生Micelle1996年,她带Micelle回国,来我家,俩个孩子一起玩儿。从中国回去不久,Micelle被发现患白血病。1998年,我从旧金山回国,住冬平家,和Michelle一起生活了好多天。这是个美丽、精灵一样的小姑娘。化疗后的她,虽然长出了短发,还是戴一顶好看的帽子遮挡。她充满了好奇,什么都喜欢,都迷恋。在饭馆里吃了好吃的,跟所见之人讲那有多好吃,讲得人家留口水;在动物园,看到一只小羊,一抱能抱半天;她擅“交际”,大方,跟谁都打招呼,都友好。冬平老说Michelle喜欢我。她摹仿我走路、跳舞、动作,一早一晚的,来我房间里磨蹭。我们一起去了国家公园优山美地。

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

                         1998年5月,Michelle 和我                        Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

                         在优山美地,和Michelle

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

                         冬平(左),我和Michelle

 

3, 飞天

 

2001年11月,Michelle去世。2002年初冬平回国。冬平给我讲她的Michelle,讲她最后的日子。她爱干净,即使最虚弱的时候,吐血,也尽力欠身不吐在床单上; 她只上过很短时间的学,临走的头一天,让妈妈推她去学校看看......。那一幕幕,铭刻在我脑海里。

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

 

 

那是周末,子尤回姥姥家去了,冬平就睡在子尤小屋里的床上。第二天早上,我进去看她,她已经早早醒来,在读子尤10岁作品集。她说:“he is genius, he is an old soul. 他是天才。他是一个古老的灵魂。”

 

是冬平说的:“如果是你,你也成。”当时我觉得我不成。

 

接下来,是我们。经过二年七个月病中生活,20061022日子尤去世。

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

 

冬平来信:

 

Dear Hong:


It was such a shock to read your email today. My tears couldn't help falling down like rivers. I am sososososo sorry to hear that Ziyou passed away Sunday night. I thought he was doing well. I have read your article in a magazine about your fight together with your son for the cancer. You are my inspiration always. I never would imagine that our lives are so similar in terms of Michelle and Ziyou's fates. They are the most beautiful , sensitive, and talented  children in the world. Beautiful Kids.


Here is the poem I wrote for Michelle,for the other loved ones , also for Ziyou 's farewell ceremony tomorrow. I know that physically I could not be there with you, but I am there with you in spirit. I have ordered flowers to be sent to the hospital for the service  of tomorrow.
I pray that God grants you the strength, peace and joy in times of difficulty. I pray that you know for sure that Ziyou is in heaven with God , enjoy his eternal life. He is an awakened soul and no more need to learn in this world. He is called to go back to be with God. He is too good for this world. No matter how long he lived, but his short  life is wonderful, meaningful and beautiful. His is going to be deeply missed and loved by us all! 
 
Yours  best friend always,


Dongping

 

过了几天,冬平打电话来,无语,哭泣。“在研究生院时,你是多柔软的人,我是多坚硬的人!自从Michelle走了,我也变成了柔软的人。……我知道打这个电话,你不哭我都要哭……”她说。

 

认识的时候,我们分别是25岁和24岁,每天一块儿上食堂,伙着吃饭,买三个菜,有荤有素,剩下来的,晚上在宿舍里用电炉子煮汤面。我们有多少属于那个时代和那个年纪的心思和故事,彼此分享和见证了年青的生命历程。谁能想到,这么小的概率降临在我们身上。老天爷把子尤给了我;把Michelle给了她,然后再把他们的生命拿走,留下俩个少年的俊美和永恒。

 

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客               子尤,摄于2006年5月,北京西四的胡同里

 

5. 祈祷

 

冬平是基督徒。她所在的教会为子尤,为我们祷告。祷告词是:

 

Dear Heavenly Father,

What a loss that we don’t want to see! We wish the precious life be longer…

 

Lord, in the midst of the loss, we thank you for the chance to see how beautiful life can be if we are grateful for anything, in any kind of circumstances. Lord, you know our hearts melt when we heard the son even gave thanks for his cancer. What a shame we can’t find good reasons to give thanksgiving offering to you, even in good days.

 

Lord, thank you for the love overflowing between mother and son. As the original meaning for the name, where there is love, there is freedom. What a message they brought us together, “Where there is love, there is freedom.” Lord, thank you for the comfort that the mother has brought to us. Indeed, as it is recorded in your Word, those who are comforted will comforted others. What a live witness in front of us!

 

Lord, if possible, let us have the chance to meet with the mother. Not to comfort her, but to be comforted by her, to be encouraged by her. And Lord, in the meanwhile, please continue to comfort her and strengthen her. It might have a period of time that she needs extra grace from you. Lord, love comes from you, because actually “God is love”. Lord, I thank you because the mother reflects the nature of your love: the sacrificial love; the unconditional love. Lord, please even touch the mother’s heart. While she will experience your comfort, she will eventually taste your love at the cross for us. If we can testify to people how you love us, we know she can do more, because she already has the nature of your love.

 

Lord, let your love shine through the mother and us. Lord, open the door for us to meet with her. Together we will glorify your name, the Name above all names.

 

This, we pray in the name of Jesus Christ.

 

冥冥之中,我也越来越能感到上帝。和冬平九年未见,这一次,我们在新的高度上找到共鸣。这是什么样的缘分啊?感谢冬平。

 

6,去墓地

 

330早上,去墓地看Michelle。这是一片辽阔的草地,上面有一些花簇。所有的碑嵌进草地里。没有围墙,离家只有几分钟车程。阳光之下,绿草郁郁葱葱,是新生和希望。Michelle,停留在上次我见她时的样子,还是那顶帽子。

Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

                喜欢这样的墓地,简单、平静、辽阔、亲切。

               Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

                   Michelle,1992-2001.

 

冬平还带我看了另外几个孩子:

 Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

           Michael,5岁。孩子走后,爸爸妈妈离婚了。是祖父母一直呵护他。看这可爱的小汽车!

 Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

 

              一次车祸,使不到12岁的姗姗去世,弟弟伤残。此后,爸爸妈妈精心呵护弟弟,拒绝了

            人们再要一个孩子的劝说,全心全意。他们是虔诚的基督徒,作为上帝的使者,传播福音。

 

    一位男子来到一块墓前伫立片刻,离去。冬平和他打招呼。随后,我们走过去,看到那是一位40岁漂亮女士的墓,猜想定是这位健壮先生的妻子。果然,这位男士走向我们攀谈。他说,妻子患癌3-4年。自己买了新车,今天开来给妻子看。只见草地旁边停着他的新车。他们还有两个孩子。

 

    究竟什么是爱?什么是活着?我体会:爱,是爱在心里;活,也是活在心里;无形无限,无时不在。

 Gate of Heaven 天堂之门 - 柳红 - 柳红的博客

     冬平和我。2011年4月1日于San Jose。







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